Tumblr makes me feel so poor and fat sometimes.
Tumblr makes me feel so poor and fat sometimes.
I don’t know why, but I remembered you tonight.
I remembered those few nights we shared under the stars.
I remembered how good it felt to be in your arms, how it felt like everything was going to be okay.
I even remembered how you would kiss me on the forehead then put your hand around my waist to pull me closer to kiss me on the lips.
I actually smiled.
But then I remembered.
I remembered how you never came back.
I remembered how you never answered my messages or ever visited again like you promised.
I remembered how your Christmas present just collected dust in my room and how I eventually just threw it out. I’m not even sure what the present was anymore.
But most of all, I remembered how you uttered those words that night. That last night.
I just can’t give you what you want.
And with that you left. You hugged me tight and gave me a kiss. And that was that.
I thought I would hear from you again. But I never did.
I wasn’t even sure what you meant. You couldn’t give me what I wanted? What did I want? I’m not even sure. All I know is that I was happy.
And I hope you were, too.
I guess you could say that it was all just bad timing for the both of us. I guess I shouldn’t be sad that it’s over. I should be happy that it happened at all.
And I was. I am.
And I hope you were…are, too.
For some strange reason, I remembered.
“Understand this though: you are missing out. You are missing out on everything that makes a life worthwhile. You are missing out on joy, excitement, sex, despair, mistakes that are necessary for you to make. You are giving yourself a mundane existence. Sacrificing everything for an even temperament and so-called stability.
The fear of getting hurt again has only led you to hurt yourself. Come out now. Come out while there’s still some living left to be done. This person who hurt you doesn’t deserve to still dictate your life decisions. Your discipline and dedication to structure is an illusion. You’re still powerless because you’re letting certain incidents define your life. If you really want to be in control again, you have to learn to let go again. It’s the only way. “
I seriously just want to forget about you because it seems like you’ve forgotten about me. But it’s difficult since everywhere I go, I am constantly reminded of you. You are always on my mind no matter how hard I try to fight it. It’s very frustrating.
And yet, I don’t regret what happened. I don’t regret what was said and done. In fact, I am thankful. Thankful for the little moments that may seem rather insignificant but mean a lot to me. And that’s enough for me. I cherish whatever time that we have spent together because I know that I was happy.
And with that, your prediction came true: we are strangers again.
Was studying for my PH101 (Philosophy of the Human Person I) finals, was on the topic of Primary and Secondary reflection.
An example of this is that of the feeling of falling for a person.
Once we start falling for a person, one can feel primary reflection happening — where one weighs the pros, cons, aspects of the girl, etc. You consider if you are falling for her. But when it comes down to the experience as a whole, when you are asked the question “why” rather than “what”, one says that it feels right, it feels like something will happen. It is a blind knowing.
But both primary and secondary reflection gives a complete meaning of that experience, primary gives you the importance of each aspect of the whole and secondary gives you the importance of that experience itself.
Blinded Intuition. You just know.
(Part of my reflection paper for my Philosophy class under Dr. Leovino Garcia)
“You don’t understand what’s going on until you’ve articulated it”, said Dr. Leo Garcia (2012). Lately, I have found myself to be rather open about my feelings. I am able to share what I am feeling inside to just about anyone, even my feelings about a certain someone. What’s funny is that I am not able to open up to the person for whom those feelings are for. I could talk and think about this person but when I am talking to that person, I got nothing. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? To make matters worse, I barely get to talk that person now so it is as if I have let him slip through my fingers. I was not able to articulate what it is that I thought and felt.
I gained insight in that I have learned that it is one thing to think about doing something, and it is another thing to actually do something about that something. Again, to philosophize is to think and take action. I did not take action. I stayed a daydreamer.
But I am planning to change that.
I have classes that are not pre-enlisted so I have to sign up for a class where there is the possibility that I wont know anyone or I wont be with my close friends. This may present the opportunity to make friends, but of course, I already want to have friends that I can sit next to in class. So I always try to coordinate with my friends so that we would all be in the same classes.
But this summer, enlistment did not go so well. My internet connection during online enlistment was so horrible that I ended up not getting the class that I wanted. I even heard that I signed up for a class with the worst instructor possible. So I thought, fuck, no friends + horrible teacher… Great. I was in for a sucky summer semester.
But it turns out that when I got to class, I saw a few familiar faces but I was not close to them so I did not sit next to those people. I saw one of my blockmates, so I sat with her. Then another friend of mine came in and he sat next to me. So I thought, hey, this might not be so bad.
And I was right. The class was not that bad. It was not as horrible as people said it would be. It did start out awkwardly with me not knowing a lot of people and the classes were really dull and dragging. But The instructor was not HORRIBLE, but he was not that great either. He was alright, in the end. A bit tough, but with a little perseverance, it’s all good.
And I did make new friends, which was awesome! But I must say that I am sad that we only became friends towards the end of the semester. Within this week actually. We had this class project and we all worked together. My classmates turned out to be really fun people and I wish that I got to know them earlier.
Dont you find that annoying? Discovering something great only to find out that you could only enjoy it for a really short time. Boo.
That was the down-side of my summer semester, not making new friends right away. Because, most likely, during the regular school year, we wont see each other anymore and it will be nothing more than just waves and smiles as we pass each other in the hallways.
Oh, well. Point is, I made new friends and I was able to survive the semester. I have two final exams, one on Monday and the other on Wednesday. Just two more days and it’s HELLO, SUMMER VACAY (even if it’s for only for a couple of weeks)!
So here’s to the summer sem that turned out to be alright! I love it when things turn out to be the opposite of what you expected (in a good way, of course). :)
And now it’s time for me to study for said finals. LET’S DO THIS, EC102 & PoS100! :>
A life that is worth it is not a wealthy life, not an honorable life, nor a long life — but is a life (wherein) you are “a worthy person” and a life (that) makes other people “worthy” also.
Watched this for my last NSTP class. Really struck me.