→ 27 Jul 14 at 9 pm
George Méliès, Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart (2013)
George Méliès, Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart (2013)
I get that your trying to be all supportive and whatnot, but really, if I want your opinion, I WILL ASK FOR IT.
Because really, I feel like you’re just judging me for the decisions I’m making. I felt like I was being sermoned instead of being supported. I was criticized instead of advised. I felt like I received a slap in the face instead of a pat on the back. And instead of encouragement, I got disappointment.
Just because I’m doing things a little differently, doesn’t mean that I’m going to fail. So what if I’m going to take this risk? So what if you think that I’m probably wasting my time? It’s not YOUR time I’m using, it’s MINE. Sure, it is possible that I will make mistakes but they will be MY mistakes because they will be MY choices.
Newsflash: it’s MY life that we’re talking about here. And I would like to live MY life the way I want to.
My life, my adventure. Let me go on this adventure. Yes, this adventure will involve mistakes. Let me make my mistakes. These mistakes are lessons and will be stepping stones to bigger and better things. Let me learn, allow me to grow.
I know you’re just trying to look out for me, I know you’re doing this because you care. But there’s a way to show that care in a nonjudgmental manner. Thank you for all the tips and tricks, I really appreciate them, I do. But like you always say, it’ll be my decision in the end. So I just ask that you respect my decision.
Thank you very much.
I’m sorry for all that was said and done. I really am sorry.
But even if things changed after that night, that doesn’t mean that they couldn’t have been changed for the better, they could have been worked on.
I thought that after all that we have been through, we were worth the fight. I believed that we were worth a chance. I still do actually.
But I can’t do it on my own.
I guess I’m just disappointed that I found out I was in this fight by myself.
And I’m deeply saddened that I not only lost you as a boyfriend, but I lost you as my best friend.
Tumblr makes me feel so poor and fat sometimes.
I don’t know why, but I remembered you tonight.
I remembered those few nights we shared under the stars.
I remembered how good it felt to be in your arms, how it felt like everything was going to be okay.
I even remembered how you would kiss me on the forehead then put your hand around my waist to pull me closer to kiss me on the lips.
I actually smiled.
But then I remembered.
I remembered how you never came back.
I remembered how you never answered my messages or ever visited again like you promised.
I remembered how your Christmas present just collected dust in my room and how I eventually just threw it out. I’m not even sure what the present was anymore.
But most of all, I remembered how you uttered those words that night. That last night.
I just can’t give you what you want.
And with that you left. You hugged me tight and gave me a kiss. And that was that.
I thought I would hear from you again. But I never did.
I wasn’t even sure what you meant. You couldn’t give me what I wanted? What did I want? I’m not even sure. All I know is that I was happy.
And I hope you were, too.
I guess you could say that it was all just bad timing for the both of us. I guess I shouldn’t be sad that it’s over. I should be happy that it happened at all.
And I was. I am.
And I hope you were…are, too.
For some strange reason, I remembered.
"Understand this though: you are missing out. You are missing out on everything that makes a life worthwhile. You are missing out on joy, excitement, sex, despair, mistakes that are necessary for you to make. You are giving yourself a mundane existence. Sacrificing everything for an even temperament and so-called stability.
The fear of getting hurt again has only led you to hurt yourself. Come out now. Come out while there’s still some living left to be done. This person who hurt you doesn’t deserve to still dictate your life decisions. Your discipline and dedication to structure is an illusion. You’re still powerless because you’re letting certain incidents define your life. If you really want to be in control again, you have to learn to let go again. It’s the only way. “
I seriously just want to forget about you because it seems like you’ve forgotten about me. But it’s difficult since everywhere I go, I am constantly reminded of you. You are always on my mind no matter how hard I try to fight it. It’s very frustrating.
And yet, I don’t regret what happened. I don’t regret what was said and done. In fact, I am thankful. Thankful for the little moments that may seem rather insignificant but mean a lot to me. And that’s enough for me. I cherish whatever time that we have spent together because I know that I was happy.
And with that, your prediction came true: we are strangers again.
Was studying for my PH101 (Philosophy of the Human Person I) finals, was on the topic of Primary and Secondary reflection.
An example of this is that of the feeling of falling for a person.
Once we start falling for a person, one can feel primary reflection happening — where one weighs the pros, cons, aspects of the girl, etc. You consider if you are falling for her. But when it comes down to the experience as a whole, when you are asked the question “why” rather than “what”, one says that it feels right, it feels like something will happen. It is a blind knowing.
But both primary and secondary reflection gives a complete meaning of that experience, primary gives you the importance of each aspect of the whole and secondary gives you the importance of that experience itself.
Blinded Intuition. You just know.
(Part of my reflection paper for my Philosophy class under Dr. Leovino Garcia)
“You don’t understand what’s going on until you’ve articulated it”, said Dr. Leo Garcia (2012). Lately, I have found myself to be rather open about my feelings. I am able to share what I am feeling inside to just about anyone, even my feelings about a certain someone. What’s funny is that I am not able to open up to the person for whom those feelings are for. I could talk and think about this person but when I am talking to that person, I got nothing. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? To make matters worse, I barely get to talk that person now so it is as if I have let him slip through my fingers. I was not able to articulate what it is that I thought and felt.
I gained insight in that I have learned that it is one thing to think about doing something, and it is another thing to actually do something about that something. Again, to philosophize is to think and take action. I did not take action. I stayed a daydreamer.
But I am planning to change that.